Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Yelp for Roy

Los Angeles Public Library - Fairfax Branch  

Category: Libraries
Neighborhood: Mid-City West
5.0 star rating
After reading the reviews of Roy the head librarian there I am sad to see him being so poorly rated.  In my dealings with the man he has shown qualities that are indeed extraordinary.
Roy counted to infinity...twice in answering my child's homework assignment
His tears can cure several terminal diseases...just one drop
He is so efficient he can watch an episode of 60 minutes in half an hour
He was once declared a Los Angeles city monument but could not accept the trophy because he was on the phone on Union business
He once taught a German shepherd to bark in Spanish.
When it is raining, it is because he is thinking of something sad.
His shirts never wrinkle. Only the back of his neck
You can see his charisma from space.
if there were a monument built in his honor in the Fairfax district, Farmers Market would close... due to poor attendance.
His hands feel like rich brown suede.
He once made an obnoxious Mime say shut up at the Grove
He does not snore, not even a little
On every continent he has visited, there is a sandwich named after him.
Sharks have a week dedicated to him.
Google uses him for reference
When he throws out the branches trash it is already recycled
Babies ask to have him kiss them.
He once cured a leper with library paste and some lox could go on but...


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